That Great Big Toilet Bowl in the Sky

Have you ever met George? Well, if you hadn't before this, you won't ever have the chance. He's dead.

And Sammi/Sammie/Sami/Sammy too. He was Emily's fish (which is why I can't spell his name, poor dear) that I got from my friend Sarai who kept him in a piece of tupperware for a month after getting him as a secret santa gift and who, as a result, was blind in one eye.

They both died at the same time. Sarai found them, George floating at the top of the tank with eyes (and mouth, as always) wide open and Sammi floating near the bottom like he was napping with his eyes open.

George was the huge fat one that had much more personality. He would vacuum up the the food when I didn't have rocks on the bottom of the tank and then he would suck up the rocks and spit them back out (or not). He listened to me as I read philosophy. He was the source of many hours of amusement while trying to focus on physics and he was a great listener. He never made fun of my singing voice either. He was a great fish. Sammi was a good fish too! (The explanation point is quite necessary.) George ate most of the food, but they were both growing up so well. Sammi was a good back up for George- I do think he was much happier with Sammi in the tank, chilling together.

I really am kinda torn up over this. George had personality. I've said multiple times that I would cry when he died. I didn't because there was someone else here but I really might have had they died when I was by myself. I'm distracted- I left my half eaten slice of pizza right where I put it down when they died. But they're just fish! I've said this at least fifteen times to Sarai, including the moment when I was sick on my stomach as I moved them from the tank to the toilet.

And I want to reason it away and say that they didn't have any personality and go back to a semester of philosophy where I confirmed vehemently that animals had no souls because then it wouldn't matter and it would be irrational to be sad and therefore I wouldn't be sad. Sarai's over on the couch trying to explain it away and get rid of any guilt, like House trying to make Kutner's suicide a murder. But they're just fish. It's ridiculous. It's irrational. There's so much more to life. They're just fish. Just fish.
I can't believe I'm crying over fish.