I'm struggling a little with writing my personal statements. I honestly thought that these essays were going to be the easiest part of this whole process, so I attacked the other sections of the applications with a tenacity rarely seen. This led to a comprehensive list of references, several detailed emails, a thick envelope full of papers that certify that I did indeed graduate from college, and the unrolling of my diploma to see my exact graduation date. I even had a friend redesign my resume. Now, all that's left are these personal statements, and they're... difficult.
I want to be extraordinarily blunt and honest with my personal statements. I don't want to wrap up ideas and concepts and facts about me in metaphors and pretty sentences. I want the people reading my application to see my skills and my weaknesses and accept me anyway. If it was acceptable, I'd give them a pros and cons list and let them make the decision on their own.
But that's not what you do with a personal statement. You lead off with a hook, you give them three paragraphs about your life and your goals, and you sum up with some zinger of a conclusion. Bam. Done. Nothing should be easier. But writing these essays has been like swimming through a sea of doubts, if doubts were like vanilla pudding and swimming was dog paddling. That got away from me. What I'm saying here is that it's been hard.
Through all this, though, I think I've answered a question, or clarified a thought. Plenty of people have asked me what happened to law school and I have an answer for them now. See, law school requires a passion for law, and if law was my best option, I could find that passion somewhere. Same with teaching; if I was called, I would dredge up a passion for education that would enable me to be an effective teacher. I think that if I had decided on it fully, I could find a passion for astrophysics or economics or music too. But the thing is, I don't have to find that passion for the Church. I choose to be there, week in and week out. I choose to think about the Church and its place in the world. I choose to think about God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit and how these entities or ideas should affect my life. The most significant, defining moments in my life have all been tied to my faith and I want to explore this thing that gives my life significance, and then share what I learn with others. The passion is already there.
So that's what I've got. Now to dress up this nebula in sensible terms, which is not an impossible task, I think.
