Whale

So in church today, the scripture was from the book of Jonah. It was actually the most cheerful part of the book, I think, where Jonah preaches a pretty simple sentence to the Assyrians about how they need to repent because they're all going to die because of the terrible things they've done. (Please note in the link the Prisoners of War and More Prisoners of War pictures- they edited out the various decapitations and general dismemberment. It's for kids, after all.) So Jonah preaches his word and the entire city of Nineveh and the king all repent and wear sackcloth and ashes and God sees their repentance and they're saved. One possible Moral of the Story: Even the terrible people can be saved.

But I got distracted by Jonah. I mean, this is not hard to do- most children's Sunday School lessons get distracted by Jonah too. So the whole time, I listening to the pastor talking about the discussion between the Israelites about how exactly to live out being God's chosen people and what we can take from that today, but I'm what I'm thinking is, Where's my whale?

You ever think about that? I mean, Jonah up and leaves, just ignores the word of the Lord and heads away on a boat. There's a storm, he figures it's his fault and, to save the ship and everyone on board, he asks to be thrown into the sea and there's this big fish there who swallows him and gives him three days to think about what he's going to do. And after being spit up by the fish/whale, he gets up and he goes to Nineveh and saves the whole city. Now, at the end of the book, Jonah's totally missed the point, because he's sitting on a hilltop waiting for God to destroy the Assyrians, but that's a whole other part to the story. Let's go back to the whale.

Because the whale is the turning point for Jonah, I guess. He has three days and nights of solitude, three days and nights away from his duty or running from his duty. In the whale, he can't do a thing except sit there and think and pray. No one can demand his time, no one can make him push his thoughts away until tomorrow or the next day or the next. He knows why he's there, he knows what he has to do, and he knows how to do it. It's all a matter of a change of heart. And even though he still doesn't get what God is trying to show him (that even bad people can have God's grace), he still turns back to God and does what he's supposed to after his time in the whale.

So where's my whale? Where's my time to get it straight? Where are my three days without the world peeking in to figure out where I have to go next, what I have to do? I'm sure being in the belly of a whale sucked, but at least it was safe. And I'm not saying that I'm running or that I particularly need a Come to Jesus moment or that I have so specific of a call that I know exactly where to go and how important I am. But I just, I feel like I'm wandering and after indeterminate time spent in the desert, a specific transformative process seems very appealing.

But in my own journey I've been able to find a reason for most things and I'm sure all of this year will prove no different. I mean, I do get a lot of time to think, now that I have evenings off. I get to delve into the depths of my mind and character and find out that those depths are not particularly places I want to be. I mean, I get to know me better than anyone else and it almost gets difficult to hear the word of grace to the Assyrians, not because I don't think they deserve it, but because I start to think that I know that I don't deserve it. (I guess the actual point is that no one does, and that's what makes life not fair.)

Listening over the course of the service, I wasn't sure how the last hymn fit in. I mean, I love The Summons beyond all reasonable measure so I was happy with the choice, but it didn't fit snugly like a puzzle piece into the sermon or scripture, you know? And as we went through the verses, I still didn't see it, but I did find something struck me as being difficult and wonderful at the same time. So even if it doesn't fit in at all with whatever it is I was trying to say, it's worth copying and pasting and thinking about. Even if you don't have a whale.

Will you love the ‘you’ you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
In you and you in me?

Bed

So I've been spending a lot of time in my bed recently. Not that I've been sick or anything, it's just that I've had a lighter week at work and I've been taking full advantage of the ability to be lazy, so I'll sleep in and lounge around, etc. For those of you who don't know, my bed really just consists of a mattress and then a memory foam thing and a pillow top. It's exorbitantly comfy. It's also just sitting on my floor. I find very little wrong with that. I mean, I don't need a bed frame just yet and I have slept several a comfortable night on my floor-bed. So I'm good, really.

But last night I didn't fall asleep right away and I started thinking about my bed. I mean, I really can't complain in the first place- it's a really comfortable bed. I have, like, four pillows and it's a queen sized mattress, so it's really a great bed. But it's kinda a mess. I mean, I never make it up, and I sit on it most of the time I’m doing work, so there's papers and books and computers scattered around it. And I don't love the comforter or the sheets on it. I mean, they're OK, but they're just something I had from home, you know? They're not anything I'm in love with. I do have this quilt that I took from home, though, that I am in love with. It just doesn't go with the other sheets on the bed.

And I got to thinking about my bed and I just kinda cracked. Because I can change the things I don't like about it- I have the funds and the transportation. I can have a nice bed. So I went to Target today and I bought new sheets and a new comforter and new pillow cases to go with the quilt I like. I came home and dropped them off and, after working for a couple of hours and helping out with the youth group for a couple more, I came back and made up my bed with my new sheets and cleaned my room. Look. Problem solved.

Except I didn't buy a bed frame for my mattress to sit on. That I need a little help on. I mean, I don't have a box spring, so I'd have to either buy one of those or get a platform bed and I think I'd have to drive to Ikea or somewhere for that and even if I got a used bed, I wouldn't really know if it was good or not, so I'd need some advice on that from someone who knows about beds or someone who's bought a bed before. And that's the fundamental thing wrong with my bed, you know, is that it's currently just a mattress on the ground. It's in the wrong place. And, I mean, it's fine and I can sleep there for now, but eventually, I want a bed. A real bed. A real, respectable bed. And I like that when I do get one, it'll be one that I've paid for, one that I've worked for.

And you know, there's always that hopeful, winking thought that says, One day, you'll have a new bed that you're sharing with someone. But I don't need that yet. I mean, it'd be nice, of course, but for right now, I still think I have plenty of time before that happens. I haven't even bought my own bed yet, not really. I know I've been sleeping alone for twenty-three years, but I'm sure I'd be fine for a couple more. I do kinda love my personal space, so I'd really have to find a worthwhile reason to give that up.

So, to summarize, I'm now happy with the state of my bed and I'm going to try to make it up more often. After all, if you want to keep your nice things nice, you have to maintain them. And I do have plans for future improvements, it's just that I have to wait until I know what I need and where I have to go to get it, and then I'll be able to save up for it. Then I'll move it to the right place, where it's supposed to be, and we'll let the future roll from there.

So yeah. That's where my life is now.

(You do realize I wasn't really talking about my bed the whole time, right?)