Whale

So in church today, the scripture was from the book of Jonah. It was actually the most cheerful part of the book, I think, where Jonah preaches a pretty simple sentence to the Assyrians about how they need to repent because they're all going to die because of the terrible things they've done. (Please note in the link the Prisoners of War and More Prisoners of War pictures- they edited out the various decapitations and general dismemberment. It's for kids, after all.) So Jonah preaches his word and the entire city of Nineveh and the king all repent and wear sackcloth and ashes and God sees their repentance and they're saved. One possible Moral of the Story: Even the terrible people can be saved.

But I got distracted by Jonah. I mean, this is not hard to do- most children's Sunday School lessons get distracted by Jonah too. So the whole time, I listening to the pastor talking about the discussion between the Israelites about how exactly to live out being God's chosen people and what we can take from that today, but I'm what I'm thinking is, Where's my whale?

You ever think about that? I mean, Jonah up and leaves, just ignores the word of the Lord and heads away on a boat. There's a storm, he figures it's his fault and, to save the ship and everyone on board, he asks to be thrown into the sea and there's this big fish there who swallows him and gives him three days to think about what he's going to do. And after being spit up by the fish/whale, he gets up and he goes to Nineveh and saves the whole city. Now, at the end of the book, Jonah's totally missed the point, because he's sitting on a hilltop waiting for God to destroy the Assyrians, but that's a whole other part to the story. Let's go back to the whale.

Because the whale is the turning point for Jonah, I guess. He has three days and nights of solitude, three days and nights away from his duty or running from his duty. In the whale, he can't do a thing except sit there and think and pray. No one can demand his time, no one can make him push his thoughts away until tomorrow or the next day or the next. He knows why he's there, he knows what he has to do, and he knows how to do it. It's all a matter of a change of heart. And even though he still doesn't get what God is trying to show him (that even bad people can have God's grace), he still turns back to God and does what he's supposed to after his time in the whale.

So where's my whale? Where's my time to get it straight? Where are my three days without the world peeking in to figure out where I have to go next, what I have to do? I'm sure being in the belly of a whale sucked, but at least it was safe. And I'm not saying that I'm running or that I particularly need a Come to Jesus moment or that I have so specific of a call that I know exactly where to go and how important I am. But I just, I feel like I'm wandering and after indeterminate time spent in the desert, a specific transformative process seems very appealing.

But in my own journey I've been able to find a reason for most things and I'm sure all of this year will prove no different. I mean, I do get a lot of time to think, now that I have evenings off. I get to delve into the depths of my mind and character and find out that those depths are not particularly places I want to be. I mean, I get to know me better than anyone else and it almost gets difficult to hear the word of grace to the Assyrians, not because I don't think they deserve it, but because I start to think that I know that I don't deserve it. (I guess the actual point is that no one does, and that's what makes life not fair.)

Listening over the course of the service, I wasn't sure how the last hymn fit in. I mean, I love The Summons beyond all reasonable measure so I was happy with the choice, but it didn't fit snugly like a puzzle piece into the sermon or scripture, you know? And as we went through the verses, I still didn't see it, but I did find something struck me as being difficult and wonderful at the same time. So even if it doesn't fit in at all with whatever it is I was trying to say, it's worth copying and pasting and thinking about. Even if you don't have a whale.

Will you love the ‘you’ you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
In you and you in me?