Listen, for me, faith right now is like Newtonian gravity and general relativity. I've learned the version everyone learns, I know what you're going to say and I know it's applicable in most circumstances. But I also know there are small things that don't work with that basic understanding that can be brushed away, and bigger things that are denied existence because that simpler version, which works admirably most of the time and fits into simple lessons, just can't explain it.
But the whole time I'm sitting here listening to you, and I'm frustrated because I know there's something bigger that people aren't telling me and I know that the simple version isn't working anymore. It's profound, yes, and it can get you places. But there's something deeper, something richer, something harder to understand, something more elegant, something more real that I'm just not being taught. I want that depth, not to wave it around in your face and pretend like I'm smarter than you, but because I want to understand everything. Maybe you don't need to, maybe this desire isn't pent up in your heart the way it is in mine, but I can't be satisfied with anything less. And it can help people, I know it can.
So please don't be offended if I only smile tight-lipped at your help. I know what you've said. And it's helpful, I swear. It's just not helpful enough anymore. And I'm sorry for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment