Single

I have in my general acquaintance several men of the thirty to forty age range who are really good guys. They all have a family or are starting one, are great with kids, good at what they do for a living and seem to be very kind and caring human individuals. One of them in particular I love watching interact with his wife because they always seem like they're happy to be together. I look at them and think, "I want that."

I've also been thinking a little bit about the idea of extended adolescence since that's what people seem to be calling the phase of life in which most of my friends and I exist. We're not adults and we're not viewed that way by society. I don't really know how I feel about it, having this opportunity to pursue my dreams without any expectations of a family weighing me down, wondering about how I'm contributing to society while still feeling like I'm living on God's good graces. It's a privileged burden and I feel terrible that I have such choice and freedom in my world. I can do anything but I feel like I pick a job and settle down.

Having had no classes or formal education of any kind in gender studies, it didn't really strike me to think about the different effects extended adolescence has on men versus women, but I found this article about it to be fascinating, true and explanatory. It also gave me a sense of relief. See! There's a complex sociological reason why I'm single!

That was really how I was going to phrase this whole idea that I've been rolling around. It was going to be a vaguely angry fake letter to the guys around me, imploring them to grow up and get some of the characteristics of the good men I see around me so I can find someone and stop spending so much time alone. For a while I felt vindicated by the article. It's not my fault that I'm picky- guys really are different now from my grandparents' generation, from my parents' generation. In the world of college graduates, they're stuck with over-achieving women who don't need them and who are competing for the same jobs for which they're applying. It's different. It means a new understanding of the families we'll have, if we have them at all.

Because I want it all, but not right now. I want a career, though it might take me a while to get to the career stage, and I also want a family. And I want someone beside me the whole time who's figuring out what he's going to do with his life and who's going to be happy bringing other lives into this world with me to ponder their own complex social structures. Really, what I want in my life is one of those men who have their lives figured out, who are starting their families and enjoying the comfortable middle road of their lives after the tumultuous path they took to get there because I want my life to be that settled. Or as settled as life gets, anyway.

Then again, I potentially have several more years to watch Star Wars, make s'mores in my microwave and seriously discuss the merits of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. And apparently there are guys out there who are in the exact same boat. Really, there are worse ways to spend the time it's going to take the world to figure us out.

And as long as the world gives me the chance to bring my kids to the quad to play, it can take its sweet time figuring us out.