My Difficulties (Or, A Vote of Confidence)

You know what my problem is? I'm always going to believe the best in people. That's my problem.

I am never going to give up on someone I know. I'm never going to believe that their heart isn't in the right place. I'm always going to assume that they are trying their hardest, and if they're not, that there's a legit reason why they aren't. I am going to take them at their word, because I trust people. I am always going to hope that they're going to do what they say they're going to and be the people that they say they're going to be. I am always going to believe that their hearts beat with honesty and love.

You know why? Because I can't take a world where people don't do that. Because I know you, because I hear your story, because I listen and because I believe that you are good and wonderful and better than you believe. I can't understand why someone wouldn't give their best, so they must have a reason. I can't believe that someone would treat someone badly just out of spite- there must be some anger, frustration, some other care that stops them from being the person they can be. It breaks my heart to see people ill-treated and it shatters it when I can't do anything about it. But the worst is when I can and don't.

I can explain my actions away all day and be kept in perpetual remembrance of my sins with a thousand words to blot them out. I can use every talent I've been gifted with to block out all of my problems, or pour them out like so many emptying bottles, but at the end of it all, all the efforts and explanations that drain me until my heart is too tired to beat, all I truly own is this stupid, brainless hope that tomorrow won't be like that. Tomorrow, the misunderstandings don't take over everything. Tomorrow, everyone understands and no one cries. Tomorrow, everything makes sense. Tomorrow, I stand up and I make the right decision. Tomorrow, there will be less pain than there was today, because tomorrow is when right has the opportunity to win.

And I will always believe in grace. There will always be a second chance, if it's mine to give. I might live the rest of my life being disappointed and I might lose as often as I'm disappointed. I might cry every night until my pillow cannot dry over the things that break me down day by day. I might spend all my days wondering why I ever hoped for something better.

Or I might not.



And I'd rather believe in that.