Inspired by Laundry

I really like for my shirt drawer to be clean.

I realize that's a little odd. If you've seen my room, you might think it's very odd. With clothes strewn all over the floor, shoes piled up in a corner, my band jacket hanging on my telescope and piles of papers and books littering the rest of the available space, I might be forced to admit that out of all of this mess, a poorly arranged shirt drawer should be the least of my worries.

And it's not like anyone's going to see it. I mean, the last thing I do before I open my room up to the rest of the world is make sure that my shirt drawer is shut, so it really is just for me. I like seeing my t-shirts folded and arranged in neat piles in my drawer, half the space being taken up by blue shirts of the Carolina variety, stacked by the probability of my wearing them. It gives me some peace and control in my life to know that there's at least one thing the way it's supposed to be and you can usually tell how hectic my life's been by the state of that drawer.

My life's been overly hectic for too long. I just want to do everything, you know? I want to take a leadership role in every organization I can, I want to go to every event that I can cram onto my Google calendar, I want to spend time with every friend I encounter and I want to be better. I want to be that kid in class that the professor compliments, I want to not worry about my grades because I've got it all in my head and I never want to let anyone down again. I want to shine, but not just for myself. I want to be beautiful so badly.

You know, all it takes is a little bit of time. I just have to set aside some time and give my shirt drawer a little bit of loving and it'll be in order. I have to keep on spending time on it, though. Every time I rustle through it to find my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt or every time that I tear it apart looking for my SAI shirt that's sitting on my chair or the dress shirt that's hanging up in my closet, I have to sit back down and put it back together and that takes time. And I suppose if I did that once every day, then it'd stay neat, but then I'd feel like a robot. That's why I don't clean my room and make up my bed everyday. That's my excuse for not dragging my lazy bum out of bed every morning to have a devotion time with the Creator- because adding that extra bit of structure is taking away my humanity, atom by atom, converting me into a little tin Jesus machine that spouts Bible verses and quotes from commentaries but has never felt the absolute redeeming love of Christ and beautiful power of the Holy Spirit as it works through the mess that my life in this world is every day.

That's ridiculous, right? I mean, you shouldn't force God into action in your life by ignoring your discipleship. You shouldn't make Him bring out the everyday miracles just to remind you that He is working in powerful ways in this place of so much good and yet so much pain.

But I do. And that's my confession for today.