Somewhere Along the Defense of My Inactivity

And you know, I like falling asleep in a T-shirt and jeans! I like waking up at 1 in the afternoon with hair that is inexplicably twenty times messier than it was when I fell asleep and I like heating leftover coffee up in the microwave only to find that there's no milk and no sugar and the only things on TV are reruns of CSI and the History channel. And if I want to screw any plans of productivity after graduation, go to bartender school, and go be a bartender in some big city while being a failing writer in my daytime life, what is it to You?

You know, sometimes people don't want to stay in their little bubbles that've been made for them. Sometimes, they don't want to have everything planned out ahead of time. Sometimes, they want to pick a random song on their iTunes and click the little genius button and have a playlist that they never would have expected to be so epic made for them. Sometimes, they want life to fall unexpectedly into their laps. They don't want to be responsible. Goodness, if we have the resources for it, what are we doing, sitting around and letting our lives walk by us as we wallow in our guilt and indecision?

What if good came out of this? You know, what if I got some crazy inspiration from the spiderweb in the corner of my room or the weird pattern that afternoon light makes as it filters through my window and the screen to dance around on my unmade bed, traversing through the sheets and comforter and pillows like my life is a maze to be conquered? What if I realized something important and shared it with the whole human race? What if the words that could bring peace to people who desperately want it, though they never seek it, came to me while I let the swing in the backyard sway gently back and forth? I saved that spider, you know. And I'm sorry my hair killed its home.

All I'm saying is that I'm tired. I'm tired and there are other people who can do anything You'd want me to do with more skill and better results. You don't want me doing anything, I'd have to look it up or think about it for exceptionally too long and then I'd solve it with way too many words and wrong ideas and... I just don't think that You want me doing anything right now.


Which is why, I suppose, I'm not.